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Obama's Latest Airport Screening Technology:

Call Center Blues. . . . I was depressed last night so I called Lifeline. Got a freakin' call center in Pakistan. I told them I was suicidal. They got all excited and asked if I could drive a truck. Assholes.

With his spare time (off), he's making a movie. . . .

Arab butt-bomber arrested Jan 08, 2010 - Kansas City An American Airlines flight en-route from Los Angeles to JFK airport in New York City was diverted to Kansas City yesterday when someone noticed a passenger attempting to light a fuse protruding from his rectum. Flight...

The Female Genie While trying to escape through Pakistan, Osama Bin Laden found a bottle on the sand and picked it up. Suddenly, a female genie rose from the bottle and with a smile said, "Master, may I grant you one wish?" Osama responded, "You ignorant, unworthy daughter-of-a-dog...

Tiger's Newest Sponsor:

George, Putin and the Queen in Hell: George Bush, Queen Elizabeth, and Vladimir Putin all die and go to hell. While there, they spy a red phone and ask what the phone is for. The devil tells them it is for calling back to Earth. Putin calls Russia and talks for 5 minutes. When he...

Montana Jury Excuse Request.

These quotes were meant to be side-by-side.

Two Woodpeckers... A Mexican woodpecker and a Canadian woodpecker were in Mexico arguing about which country had the toughest trees. The Mexican woodpecker claimed Mexico had a tree that no woodpecker could peck. The Canadian woodpecker accepted his challenge and promptly pecked a hole...

Tiger Woods Holiday Poem Twas the night of Thanksgiving and out of the house Tiger Woods came a flyin', chased by his spouse. She wielded a nine iron and wasn't too merry, Cause a bimbo's phone number was in his Blackberry. He'd been cheatin' on Elin, and the story...

It happens to all of us... You're driving along Just minding your own business, When all of a sudden - Without any warning, This Dick In A Truck Pulls out right in front of you......

Good news is that I truly out did myself this year with my Christmas decorations. The bad news is that I had to take him down after 2 days. I had more people come screaming up to my house than ever. Great stories. But two things made me take it down: First, the cops advised me...

Pfizer is cutting advertising and marketing costs. They're working with their ad agency to "re-tread" older marketing slogans from other products to Viagra: 10. Viagra, Whaazzzz up! 9. Viagra, The quicker pecker picker upper. 8. Viagra, like a rock ! 7. Viagra, When it absolutely...

I promise, based on his request for our respect, etc. - this is the last one (until something equally funny comes along!!!!): Tiger's Updated Family Christmas Photo:

Tiger Tidbits. . . . Tiger just changed his nickname but still kept it in the cat family--his new name?: Cheetah He crashed his car because he was in a rush to move on to the second hole!

Tiger on Driving and Golf, Continued. . . . This whole deal with Tiger puts a sorry light on golf as a sport. In "Real Sports" the player beats the crap out of the wife and she leaves. You name it football, hockey, baseball and even soccer. In golf the world's best player gets the...

Tiger Woods on Driving and Golf: 1)It was just reported that Phil Mickelson contacted Tiger's wife to pick up some tips on how to beat Tiger 2)Tiger Woods is so rich that he owns lots of expensive cars. Now he has a hole in one. 3)What's the difference between a car and a golf ball...

Perfect Library for Limited Space: NEGROS I'VE MET WHILE YACHTING by Tiger Woods ______________________________ ________________ THINGS I LOVE ABOUT MY COUNTRY by Jane Fonda & Cindy Sheehan. Forward by Michelle Obama Illustrated by Michael Moore ______________________________...

Another note from the H.O.A. and "add-on" to our liens. . . .