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On a trans-Atlantic flight, a plane passes through a severe storm. The turbulence is awful, and things go from bad to worse when one wing is struck by lightning. One woman in particular loses it. Screaming, she stands up in the front of the plane. "I'm too young to die," she wails. Then she...

Butt Measurements A man and his wife were working in their garden one day and the man looks over at his wife and says: "Your butt is getting really big, I mean really big. I bet your butt is bigger than the barbecue." With that he proceeded to get a measuring tape and measure the grill...

Married Buddies Two married buddies are out drinking one night when one turns to the other and says,"You know, I don't know what else to do. Whenever I go home after we've been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway. I shut off the engine and coast into the...

While looking at a house, my brother asked the real estate agent which direction was north because, he explained, he didn't want the sun waking him up every morning. She asked, "Does the sun rise in the North?" When my brother explained that the sun rises in the east, (and has for sometime)...

Bob Hope May 29, 1903 - July 27, 2003 ON TURNING 70 "You still chase women, but only downhill". ON TURNING 80 "That's the time of your life when even your birthday suit needs pressing." ON TURNING 90 "You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake."...

A young priest was asked by a funeral director to hold a graveside service for a man who died with no family or friends. The funeral was held way back in the country and the young priest got lost on the way. When he arrived an hour late, he saw a backhoe and crew, but the hearse was...

Number play: 1. Ratio of an igloo's circumference to its diameter = Eskimo Pi 2. 2000 pounds of Chinese soup = Won ton 3. 1 millionth of a mouthwash = 1 microscope 4. Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement= 1 bananosecond 5. Weight an evangelist carries with God =...

A Public Defender Lawyer got home late one evening, after a very taxing day trying to get a stay of execution for a client, named William Wright, who was due to be hanged for murder at midnight. His last-minute plea for clemency to the governor had failed and he was feeling tired and depressed...

As we age, our priorities change ... The other day I came home and was greeted by my wife, dressed only in very sexy underwear and holding a couple of short velvet ropes. "Tie me up," she purred, "and you can do anything you want." So, I tied her up and went fishing.

Some of these have probably been 'on-the-board' before, but, others are 'new funnies': Tower: "Delta 351, you have traffic at 10 o'clock, 6 miles." Delta 351: "Give us another hint! We have digital watches!" ========================================== "TWA 2341, for noise abatement...

Sarah, a recently widowed Jewish lady, was sitting on a beach towel at Cocoa Beach, Florida. She looked up and noticed that a man her age had walked up, placed his blanket on the sand nearby and began reading a book. Smiling, she attempted to strike up a conversation with him. "Hello, sir,"...

Subject: Italian Cookies (For all the Italians out there, or those who are lucky enough to be married to an Italian, or even to be friends of Italians!) An elderly Italian man lay dying in his bed. While suffering the agonies of impending death, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his...

For my Catholic and LDS Friends: Husband and wife are waiting at the bus stop with their nine children. A blind man joins them after a few minutes. When the bus arrives they find it overloaded and only the wife and the nine kids are able to fit onto the bus. So the husband and the...

Things all girls should know about sex Q: How do I know if I'm ready for sex? A: Ask your boyfriend. He'll know when the time is right. When it comes to love and sex, men are much more responsible, since they're not as emotionally confused as women. It's a proven fact. Q: Should I...

WINTER HUMOR It was snowing heavily and blowing to the point that visibility was almost zero when the little blonde got off work. She made her way to her car and wondered how she was going to make it home. She sat in her car while it warmed up and thought about her situation. She finally...

Bite your Breasts? A guy walking down the street sees a woman with perfect breasts. He says to her, "Hey miss, would you let me bite your breasts for $100 dollars?" "Are you nuts?!!" she replies, and keeps walking away. He turns around, runs around the block and gets to the...

A teacher asked her class, "What do you want out of life?" A little girl in the back row raised her hand and said, "All I want out of life is four little animals." The teacher asked, "Really, and what four little animals would that be?" The little girl said, "A mink on my back, a...

A group of Alabama friends went deer hunting and paired off in twos for the day. That night, one of the hunters returned alone, staggering under the weight of an eight-point buck. "Where's Henry?" the others asked."Henry had a stroke of some kind. He's a couple of miles back up the trail,"...

Subject - H.D. Biker on Foot. A biker stopped by the Harley Shop to have his bike fixed. They couldn't do it while he waited, so he said since he didn't live far, he would just walk home. On the way home he stopped at the hardware store and bought a bucket and an anvil. He stopped by the...

Cool website on 'Urban Legends' (see above)!! Fun story anyway, wish it were true. . . .??