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Two Palestinian women looking at photographs.............. "This is my oldest son Mohammed. He was born 24 years ago" "Yes, I remember him as a baby" says the other mother cheerfully. "He's a martyr now though" mum confides. "Oh so sad dear" says the other. "And this is my second...

Subject: Two cows DEMOCRATIC You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being successful. Barbara Streisand sings for you. REPUBLICANISM You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So? SOCIALIST You have two cows. The government takes...

Why do men's hearts beat quicker, go weak in the knees, get dry throats and think irrationally when a woman wears leather clothing? BECAUSE SHE SMELLS LIKE A NEW TRUCK !!!

An old farmer went to town to see a movie. The ticket agent asked, "Sir, what's that on your shoulder?" The old farmer said, "That's my pet rooster Rudy. Wherever I go, Rudy goes." "I'm sorry, sir," said the ticket agent. "We can't allow animals in the theater." The old farmer went...

Only in Texas and parts of the South: The owner of a golf course in Texas was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help. He called her into his office and said, "You graduated from The University of Texas and I need some help. If I...

HMO Service at its Best. . . . The HMO's doctor said, "Joe, the good news is I can cure your headaches. The bad news is that it will require castration. You have a very rare condition, which causes your testicles to press on your spine, and the pressure creates one hell of a headache. The...

Thinking from a Man's Perspective (this is so very, very wrong!!!) A woman was in a coma. She had been in it for months. Nurses were in her room giving her a blanket bath. One of them was washing her private area and noticed that there was a slight response on the monitor when she...

No urban legend here...these are all true! The reason a dog has so many friends is that he wags his tail instead of his tongue. ------ Anonymous If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die, I want to go where they went. ----- Will Rogers Don't accept your dog's admiration as...

A beautiful woman seated alone in an expensive L.A. restaurant was noticed by a sharp gentleman waiting at the bar for his table. The gentleman asked the waiter to charge a bottle of his best Merlot to his account and then deliver it to the lady. The waiter took the Merlot to the woman and...

Brain Cramps Question: If you could live forever, would you and why? Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever," --Miss...

Accuracy in Government at Work The government today announced that it is changing its emblem from an EAGLE to a CONDOM because it more accurately reflects the government's current affairs. A condom allows for inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of...

Subject: Shortest Fairytale Once upon a time a guy asked a girl, "Will you marry me?" She said "No." And he lived happily ever after.

"Dear Lord", the Priest began with his arms extended and a rapturous look on his upturned face, "without you we are but dust..." He would have continued, but at that moment one very obedient little girl, who was listening ever so carefully for a change, leaned over to her mother and asked...

A small boy was lost at a shopping mall. He approached a uniformed police man and said, "I've lost my grandpa." The Policeman asked, "What's he like?" The little boy replied, "He likes Jack Daniels whiskey and women with big chests."

Year 2037 * Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia formally known as California. * Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops and livestock. * Baby conceived naturally . . . scientists stumped. *...

An elderly lady phoned her telephone company to report that her telephone failed to ring when her friends called - and that on the few occasions when it did ring, her pet dog always moaned right before the phone rang. The telephone repairman proceeded to the scene, curious to see this psychic...

LETTERS DEAR ABBY ADMITTED SHE WAS AT A LOSS TO ANSWER: Dear Abby, A couple of women moved in across the hall from me. One is a middle-aged gym teacher and the other is a social worker in her mid twenties. These two women go everywhere together and I've never seen a man go into or leave...

Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands free speaker-function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen. MAN: "Hello" WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?" MAN: "Yes" WOMAN: "I'm at...

The Tree Hugger: A woman from San Francisco, who was a tree hugger and an anti-hunter, purchased a piece of timberland. There was a large tree on one of the highest points in the tract. She wanted a good view of the natural splendor of her land so she started to climb the big tree. As she...

HILLARY'S FIRST NIGHT AS PRESIDENT in January 2009 Hillary Clinton gets elected President and is spending her first night in the White House. She has waited so long....... The ghost of George Washington appears, and Hillary says, "How can I best serve my country?" Washington says, "Never...