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Ladies' Night: Two women friends had gone for a girl's night out; both were very faithful and loving wives, however, they had gotten over-enthusiastic on the Bacardi Breezers. Incredibly drunk and walking home they needed to 'tinkle', so they stopped in the cemetery. One of them had...

Subject: Irish Painting At the National Art Gallery in Dublin, a husband and wife were staring at a portrait that had them completely confused. The painting depicted three black men totally naked sitting on a park bench. Two of the figures had black penises, but the one in the middle had a...

Pig or Hog? Mary had a little pig, She kept it fat and plastered; And when the price of pork went up, She shot the little bastard

In 1923, Who Was: 1. President of the largest steel company? 2. President of the largest gas company? 3. President of the New York Stock Exchange? 4...

Anatomy Lesson A woman enrolled in nursing school was attending an anatomy class. The subject of the day was involuntary muscles. The instructor, hoping to perk up the students a bit, asked the woman "Do you know what your asshole does when you're having an orgasm?" "Sure" she...

Do I know you?? A small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand in a trial -- a grandmotherly, elderly woman. He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?" She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a...

Source of Funds: A man returning home a day early from a business trip got into a taxi at the airport just after midnight. The man suspected his wife was having an affair and he intended to catch her in the act. While reroute to his home, he asked the cabby if he was willing to be a...

Words with two Meanings 1. THINGY (thing-ee) n. Female...... Any part under a car's hood. Male..... The strap fastener on a woman's bra. 2. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj. Female.... Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another. Male.... Playing football without a cup. 3...

Getting the most out of Pfizer's Genius: A man walked into the local drug store and asked the pharmacist for Viagra. The pharmacist asked, "How many?" The man replied, "Just a few, maybe a half dozen. I cut each one into four pieces." The pharmacist said, "That is too small a...

Red Neck Vacation Plans Billy Bob and John Boy were talking one afternoon when Billy Bob tells John Boy, "Ya know, I reckon I'm 'bout ready for a vacation. Only this year I'm gonna do it a little different. The last few years, I took your advice about where to go. Three years ago you...

Sympathy Pains Little Nancy was in the garden filling in a hole when her neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was doing, she politely asked, "What are you up to there, Nancy?" "My goldfish died," replied Nancy tearfully, without looking up, "and...

Just a reminder. . . . . "A man is like a fine wine. He starts out raw as grapes and it's a woman's job to stomp on him and keep him in the dark until he matures into something she'd like to have dinner with."

Raise them and they will come (sometime): A man and his wife were about to celebrate their 50th Anniversary. Their three kids, all quite successful and very wealthy, agreed to a Sunday dinner in honor of their parents. As usual, they were all late and had a varied assortment of excuses...

Math Education: Little Tommy was doing very badly in math. His parents had tried everything; tutors, flash cards, special learning centers, in short, everything they could think of. Finally in a last ditch effort, they took Tommy down and enrolled him in the local Catholic School. After...

Yannis - you always bring some of the best stuff!! Conniving wench!

With the U.S. Open and Father's Day in Mind. . . The doctor was amazed at the health of his patient. He asked how did he keep himself in such good shape at his age. I'm a golfer," says the old guy, "and that's why I'm in such good shape. I'm up well before daylight and out golfing up and...

A 5-year-old boy went to visit his grandmother one day. He played with his toys in her bedroom while grandma was dusting. He looked up and said, Grandma, how come you don't have a boyfriend? Grandma replied, Honey, my TV is my boyfriend. I can sit in my bedroom and watch it all day long...

The phone rang. The lady of the house answered, "Yes?" "Mrs. Ward, please." "Speaking" Mrs Ward, this is Mrs. Jones at the Medical Testing Laboratory. When your Doctor sent your husband's samples to the lab, the samples from another Mr Ward were sent as well and we are now uncertain...

1. Men are like ........Laxatives ...... They irritate the shit out of you. 2. Men are like .......Bananas ... The older they get, the less firm they are. 3. Men are like ........Weather ..... Nothing can be done to change them. 4. Men are like .......Blenders .... You need one, but you're...

High-Priced Monkeys A man walked into a pet store and was looking at the animals on display. While he was there, a Chief Master Sergeant (CMSgt) from the local airbase walked in and said to the shopkeeper, "I'll take a maintenance monkey, please." The man nodded, went to a cage at the side...