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The husband dies and he had $50,000 to his name. After everything is done at the funeral home and cemetery, the widow tells her closest friend that there is none of the $50,000 left. The friend says, "How can that be? The widow says, "Well, the funeral cost me $6,500. And of course I made...

We all know those little computer symbols called "emoticons," where: :) means a smile and :( is a frown. Sometimes these are represented by :-) :-( Well, how about some "ASSICONS?" Here goes: (_!_) a regular ass (__!__) a fat ass (!) a tight ass (_*_) a sore...

Subject: KNOW YOUR STATE MOTTO?? Alabama Hell Yes, We Have Electricity. Alaska 11,623 Eskimos Can't Be Wrong! Arizona But It's A Dry Heat. Arkansas Literacy Ain't Everything. California By 30, Our Women Have More Plastic Than Your Honda. Colorado If You Don't...

THE BOX UNDER BILL & HILLARY'S BED When Bill and Hillary first got married Bill said, "I am putting a box under the bed. You must promise never to look in it" In all their 30 years of marriage, Hillary never looked. On the afternoon of their 30th anniversary, curiosity got the best...

Airline cabin announcements: All too rarely, airline attendants make an effort to make the in flight "safety lecture" and announcements a bit more entertaining. Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported: 1. On a Southwest flight (SW has no assigned seating, you just sit...

Medical Mishaps 1. A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her baby in the cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress, and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs -and I was in the...

Winning Smart Ass Answers For 2005 Smart Ass Answer #5: A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed at her. Without missing a beat....she said, "Sir...

I hate to be the one to post a political joke, but this one made me laugh out loud. . . . Air Force One arrives at Heathrow and President Bush strides to a warm and dignified handshake from the Queen. They ride in a 1934 Bentley to the edge of central London where they board a magnificent...

Social Security Age? After retiring, I went to the social security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very...

Finally. . . .the FEMA Checks are being distributed in New Orleans

Yeah Baby, now that's what I'm talkin' about!!!! THANKS!!!!!!!

Cuddly Teddy Bears A woman meets a rather handsome and charming man in the bar of a highly regarded restaurant. They talk, they connect, and they end up leaving together. They go back to his apartment, and as he shows her around she notices that his bedroom is completely packed with soft...

Golf vs. Wall Street and Trading Subject: 1923 In 1923, who was: 1. President of the largest steel company? 2. President of the largest gas company? 3. President of the New York Stock Exchange? 4. Greatest wheat speculator? 5. President of the Bank of International...

Athletes as Role (or Roll?) Models?? Any English or Literature Majors?? Chicago Cubs outfielder Andre Dawson on being a role model: "I wan'all dem kids to do what I do, to look up to me. I wan' all the kids to copulate me." New Orleans Saint RB George Rogers when asked about the...

Happy "Pete-Less" Easter?

Living in NYC? A man walks into his bedroom and sees his wife packing a suitcase. He asks, "What are you doing?" She answers, "I'm moving to New York. I heard prostitutes there get paid $400 a night for doing what I do for you for free." A little later, on her way out, the wife walks...

Another Blond Joke. . . I urgently needed a few days off work, but I knew the Boss would not allow me to take a leave. I thought that maybe if I acted "CRAZY" then he would tell me to take a few days off. So I hung upside down on the ceiling and made funny noises. My co-worker (who's...

Married Whales? A male whale and a female whale were swimming off the coast of Japan when they noticed a whaling ship. The male whale recognized it as the same ship that had harpooned his father many years earlier. He said to the female whale, "Let's both swim under the ship and blow out...

The Older Couple An elderly couple in a small town had been dating for a long time. At the urging of their friends, they decided it was finally time for marriage. Before the wedding, they went out to dinner and had a long conversation on how their marriage might work. They discussed...

Preponderance of Pondering - No Puns: Here are a few things to think about that you probably have often wondered about: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Can you cry under water...