Search results

She was Soooooooo Blonde . . . * She thought a quarterback was a refund. * She thought General Motors was in the army. * She thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats. * She thought Boyz II Men was a day care center. * At the bottom of an application where it says "Sign here:" she wrote...

A Japanese soap manufacturing company received a complaint that a consumer had bought a box of soap that was empty. Management tasked its engineers to solve the problem permanently to avoid any reoccurrence. The engineers worked hard to devise an X-ray machine with high-resolution monitors...

Nobody plans to fail, they just fail to plan. Therefore, it's probably best to always plan to fail to fail to plan. :p

Recently, a police patrol parked outside a local neighborhood tavern. Late in the evening the officer noticed a man leaving the bar so intoxicated that he could barely walk. The man stumbled around the parking lot for a few minutes, with the officer quietly observing. After what seemed an...

Well, then, consider this.............................. In a hospital's Intensive Care Unit, patients always died in the same bed, on Sunday morning, at about 11:00 a.m., regardless of their medical condition. This puzzled the doctors and some even thought it had ! so mething to do with the...

A little boy comes down to breakfast. Since they live on a farm, his mother asks if he has done his chores. "Not yet," says the little boy. His mother tells him he gets no breakfast until he does his chores. Well, he's a little pissed, so he goes to feed the chickens, and he kicks a...

A wife arrived home after a long shopping trip, and was horrified to find her husband in bed with a lovely young thing. Just as she was about to storm out of the house, her husband stopped her with these words: "Before you leave, I want you to hear how this all came about. Driving home I saw...

"The word "genius" isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein,"-Joe Theisman, NFL sports analyst (POSSIBLE THAT A WHO'S WHO IN HIS CHRISTMAS STOCKING WOULD HAVE BEEN HELPFUL? ... ... NAH!) "We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of...

Colorado Fish and Game personnel are warning shooters at a skeet range near Boulder to be on the lookout for both black bears and grizzly bears near the range. Skeet shooters are advised to wear small bells so as to alert but not alarm the bears. Skeet shooters are further advised to carry...

All you really need to know about Government and Bureaucracy: Pythagorean theorem: ........................................24 words. Lord's prayer:...............................................66 words. Archimedes' Principle: .....................................67 words. 10...

Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days interesting. Thought you'd might like to see what happened to me last week. I went to the store the other day. I was only in there for about 5 minutes. When I came out there was a city cop writing out a parking...

A city boy, young Kenny, moved to the country and bought a donkey from an old farmer for $100.00. The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day. The next day the farmer drove up and said: Sorry son, but I have some bad news, the donkey died. Kenny replied: Well, then, just give me...

A Texan walks into a pub in Ireland and clears his voice to the crowd of drinkers. He says, "I hear you Irish are a bunch of hard drinkers. I'll give $1000 American dollars to anybody in here who can drink 30 pints of Guinness back-to-back." The room is quiet and no one takes up the Texan's...

Walking slowly into his favorite Irish bar, Mike said to the bartender, "Pour me a stiff one, I just had another fight with the little woman." "Oh yeah", said Paddy, "and just how did this one end?" "When it was over," Mike replied, "she came to me on her hands and knees." "Really...

An elderly American gentleman arrived in Paris by plane. At French customs he fumbled for his passport. "You have been to France before, monsieur?" the customs officer asked sarcastically. The old gent admitted that he had been to France before. "Then, you should know enough to have your...

Lets face it English can be a strange language. There is no egg in the eggplant No ham in the hamburger And neither pine nor apple in the pineapple. English muffins were not invented in England. We sometimes take English for granted But if we examine its paradoxes we find that...

Saudi couple, Ahmed and Layla, preparing for their wedding meet with their Mullah (religious priest) for counseling. The Mullah asks if they have any last questions before they leave. Ahmed asks, "We realize it's a tradition in Islam for men to dance with men, and women to dance with women...

A Mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper has screwed him for ten million bucks. This bookkeeper is deaf. It was considered an occupational benefit, and why he got the job in the first place, since it was assumed that a deaf bookkeeper would not be able to hear anything he'd ever have to...

When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ball-point pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat this problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion developing a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, on almost any surface including glass and...

A wife decides to take her husband to a strip club for his birthday. They arrive at the club and the doorman says, "Hey, Bob! How ya doin'?" His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before. "Oh no," says Bob. "He's on my bowling team." When they are seated, a waitress asks...