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John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of my life between the legs of my wife!" That won him the top prize for the best toast of the night! He went home and told his wife, "Mary I won the prize for the best toast of the night." She said, "Aye, what was your...

An English professor wrote the words, "Woman without her man is nothing" on the blackboard and directed his students to punctuate it correctly. The men wrote: "Woman, without her man, is nothing." The women wrote: "Woman: Without her, man is nothing." :p :p

After their Superbowl victory, President George Bush called the Patriots to congratulate them on their win. Al Gore called the Panthers and told them he thought that they were robbed. Bill Clinton called Janet Jackson. :p

Soesman, Good observation. Yes, this is a problem I haven't solved yet, or, at least my solution is not very elegant. It is my perception that it is harder to daytrade a low priced stock, because just noise of the market tends to create trouble with your stops if they are too close. I...

Tech A and howellpar, Let's look at the question as written: " 5. If the hour hand on a clock moves 1/60 of a degree every minute how many degrees will the hour hand move in one hour?" Which means that the joke is referring to a (maybe unusual) clock where the hour hand moves 1 degree...

I exited the following trades: NTIQ LONG EXIT AVG. $13.61 -.15 (PARTIAL) CDIS LONG EXIT AVG. $24.83 +.22 (PARTIAL) ACV LONG EXIT AVG. $62.82 +.28 BRCD LONG EXIT AVG. $6.84 -.16 CI SHORT EXIT AVG. $53.41 +.9 No new trades today - just kick back and catch up with my reading -...

A man and an ostrich walk into a restaurant. The waitress asks, "What will it be?" The man replied "a burger and a coke." "And you?" "I'll have the same," the ostrich replies. They finish their meal and pay. "That will be $4.50," The man reached into his pocket and pulled out the exact amount...

Scientists recently became convinced that they finally located the seat of medium-term memory in the human body: the middle of the left shin. As a definitive proof, the report, submitted to the NE Journal of Medicine, states that if one asks someone else where they had gone on vacation the...

An elderly woman called 911 to report that her car had been broken into. She was hysterical as she explained her situation to the dispatcher: "They've stolen the stereo, the steering wheel, the brake pedal and even the accelerator!" she cried. The dispatcher tried to appease her: "try to...

The coach had put together the perfect team for the Detroit Lions. The only thing that was missing was a good quarterback. He had scouted all the colleges and even the Canadian and European Leagues, but he couldn't find a ringer who could ensure a Super Bowl win. Then one night while...

A guy out on the golf course takes a high speed ball right in the crotch. Writhing in agony, he falls to the ground. When he finally gets himself to the doctor, he says," How bad is it doc? I'm going on my honeymoon next week and my fiancée is still a virgin in every way." The doc said ...

A fellow bought a new Mercedes and was out on the interstate for a nice evening drive. The top was down, the breeze was blowing through what was left of his hair and he decided to open her up. As the needle jumped up to 80 mph, he suddenly saw flashing red and blue lights behind him...

Thanks Soesman, I'm glad :)

I exited the following positions yesterday and early this morning: ACV LONG EXIT AVG. $62.9 +.36 (PARTIAL) SSTI LONG EXIT AVG. $12.74 +.04 Q LONG EXIT AVG. $4.61 +.3 YCC LONG EXIT AVG. 28.44 +.64 IMR LONG EXIT AVG. $9.78 +.57 CI SHORT EXIT AVG. $53.9 +.59 I entered these 4...

A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he's drinking, the monkey jumps all around the place. The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them. Then grabs some sliced limes and eats them. Then jumps onto the pool table, grabs one of the billiard balls...

I exited the following positions yesterday: GPI LONG EXIT AVG. $38.44 +.34 IMR LONG EXIT AVG. $9.62 +.41 (PARTIAL) NATR LONG EXIT AVG. $9.68 +1.22 WFMI LONG EXIT AVG. $72.11 +1.11 YCC LONG EXIT AVG. $28.1 +.3 (PARTIAL) And I entered these four trades this morning: ACV...

Irish Fly An Irishman, an Englishman and a Scotsman go into a pub and each order a pint of Guinness. Just as the bartender hands them over, three flies buzz down and one lands in each of the pints. The Englishman looks disgusted, pushes his pint away and demands another pint. The Scotsman...

Barbara Walters of 60 Minutes (USA) did a story on gender roles in Kabul several years before the Afghan conflict. She noted that women customarily walked about 5 paces behind their husbands. She returned to Kabul recently and observed that women still walk behind their husbands, but now...

Pfizer Corp. announced today that VIAGRA will soon be available in liquid form and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer. It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one. Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink...

I exited the following positions yesterday: NATR LONG EXIT AVG. $9.2 +.74 (PARTIAL) IMR LONG EXIT AVG. $9.53 +.32 (PARTIAL) WFMI LONG EXIT AVG. $71.9 +.90 (PARTIAL) PRSF SHORT EXIT AVG. $7.34 -.30 SSP SHORT EXIT AVG. $94.1 -. 70 And I entered these two trades this morning...