Search results

A Floridian, a New Yorker and a Canadian are in a bar one night having a beer. The New Yorker drinks his beer and suddenly throws his glass in the air, pulls out a gun and shoots the glass to pieces. He says, "In New York our glasses are so cheap that we don't need to drink from the same...

How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be opened when she brings it. ------------------------------------------------------------------- Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman? Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably...

The Dysfunctional Section of a Hallmark Store 1. I always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love. Now that you've come into my life... (Inside card) - I've changed my mind. 2. I must admit, you brought religion into my life.... (Inside card) - I never believed in Hell...

A woman was walking down the street when she was approached by a man. The man said, "I must have you right now!" I'll drop $500 on the ground at your feet and in the time it takes for you to pick it up I can have my way with you from behind!" The woman thought it over and told the man...

A farmer has about 500 hens, but no rooster, and he wants chicks so he goes down the road to the next farmer and asks if he has a rooster that he might sell. "Yep, I've got this really great rooster named Ralph," says the other farmer. "he'll service every chicken you got, no problem."...

A dime has 118 ridges around the edge. A cat has 32 muscles in each ear. A crocodile cannot stick out its tongue. A dragonfly has a life span of 24 hours. A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds. A "jiffy" is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a second. A shark is...

The Haircut G.W.Bush and John Kerry accidentally wound up at the same barbershop at the same time while stopping for a little touchup while campaigning. As they sat in adjacent chairs, worked on by different barbers, not a word was spoken. The barbers were even afraid to start a...

"Did you hear Monica Lewinsky is going to vote Republican this year? ...seems the last time she went Democratic, and it left a bad taste in her mouth" :eek:

Life is all about Ass You are either covering it, laughing it off, kicking it, kissing it, busting it, trying to get a piece of it, having a pain in it, being a pain in it, ........ or behaving like one.

Dateline Washington - May 26, 2005 AMERICANS WITH NO ABILITIES ACT PASSES CONGRESS WASHINGTON, DC Congress approved sweeping legislation, which provides new benefits for many Americans. The Americans With No Abilities Act (AWNAA), signed into law by President John Kerry shortly after its...

Sunday sermon was Forgive Your Enemies, toward the end of the service, He asked his congregation, How many of you have forgiven their enemies? About half held up their hands. He then repeated his question. As it was past lunchtime, this time about 80 percent held up their hands. He then...

The Florida State Flag will now be...... a blue tarp. The license plate symbol of two oranges will be...... replaced by a chain saw. The new State song will be...... " Blowing in the Wind." The state motto will now be...... "Oh my God, Here comes another one."...

I dunno....watching Mr. 990 has made a lot of money for the traders in my room. He signals the extremes guys. Use the edge he gives you instead of complaining about it. Since when is it illegal to make an offer and then cancel it?

Turn your sound on. Somehow this reminds me of Kerry. http://www.rebelstudentalliance.co.uk/svetlana/asshole/ :p

Little Johnny watched his daddy's car pass by the school playground and go into the woods. Curious, he followed the car and saw Daddy and Aunt Jane in a passionate embrace. Little Johnny found this so exciting that he could not contain himself as he ran home and started to tell his mother...

Thank you so much Carl K!:) :)

Just so you know. The biggest mistake you can make is taking advice from these forums. It is a huge waste of time. I am talking from experience here. It would be far better to read some books on technical analysis and take classes at TradeStation to learn to write automatic programs. If you...

I would have started with TradeStation and thoughly backtested all my cockamamie ideas for 2 years before I put money into them. IMHO it is well worth the $100 per month they charge. It is complete and has all the additions that you will ever need. Plus they have lots of classes to help you...

A man, his wife, and mother-in-law went on vacation to the Holy Land. While they were there the mother-in-law passed away. The undertaker told them, "You can have her shipped home for $5,000, or you can bury her here in the Holy Land for $150.00." The man thought about it and told him he...

Social Security As a man, at the age of 62, I decided to apply for early retirement benefits. Arriving at the local Social Security Administration office and waiting in line a long time, I got to the counter. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver license to verify my age. I...