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I'm extremely embarrassed about my tiny dick so I bought a beemer.

Yesterday I jerked off on my favorite couch for 3 hours. My therapist called the police.

My wife walked in on me masturbating yesterday. I got her back today by walking in on her while I was masturbating.

My new girlfriend just asked me if I have ever fucked a fat girl. After thinking for a moment I said, "Nope, I'm pretty sure you're the first."

I went into the emergency and said, "My wife needs help. She's having a heart attack." "Are you sure?" the nurse asked. "She looks a picture of health to me." "This is my girlfriend," I explained. "My wife's on the floor at home clutching her chest."

What's the difference between plunging a sink and giving a hand job? Please post your answers on a postcard to my wife, c/o ET. please.

First you're married..then you have a girlfriend... stay tuned....

My new girlfriend just told me that our relationship was over. "I want to be a virgin on my wedding night," she said.

Oi vey! I'm going to start slow.... After dinner, my wife told me she was expecting a baby. "You'd better go and open the door." I said. "A baby will never reach the doorbell."

I use this routine on everyone and anyone I meet. <iframe width="420" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/EffPnse4WQs" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

More than three months ago, the Supreme Court unanimously dismissed Securities and Exchange Commission penalty claims against investment adviser Marc Gabelli because the SEC took too long to file its case. But you wouldn't know that if you monitored the case on the SEC website. You'd find the...

I think this is the way it is done now. I think what the dna issue is trying to resolve the cases sooner by taking everyone dna for every arrest. Also it seems to me lawyers (maybe the bar assoc.) in general were against this but prosecutors wanted it, I can't recall why.

This is my favorite insider trading case, in a nutshell. So if an insider calls up a shareholder and tells you non public information and says "ha ha fuck you nothing you can do about it" what's a guy to do? I agree with Cuban. "He said watch me and sold his stock...

Years ago my boss got a bomb threat, he told the caller fuck you and hung up. The guy calls back and then instead of asking for the boss just told whoever answered the phone that a bomb was going to go off at 11;30. The employee then told the boss about the bomb threat call. It was weird...

Yes, having demanded this budget for four years, Republicans are now refusing to let it go forward. ---------------------------------- What's the rush, don't the Reps get 4 years?

Hey, I got an idea. How about we sacrifice some American soldiers in the ME so they can come over here and bomb us.

"In its latest effort to protect followers of Islam in the U.S. the Obama Justice Department warns against using social media to spread information considered inflammatory against Muslims, threatening that it could constitute a violation of civil rights," the group wrote in a blog post...

The students said they're excited about the potential opportunities. "With my aviation degree plus internet I have plenty of time to post on ET" said Oliver. :cool: :eek: :D

Quote from wilburbear: ----very height of man's optimism.... ----we get the tallest building.... ----I hope it's not a sign. --------------------------------------- There was an article in todays paper (don't ask me which one, I don't know hwere I'm at) The article mentioned fb...