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"Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be if that didn't happen..." Steven Wright :)

Halloween is coming! A man is walking home alone late one foggy night... when behind him he hears: Bump... BUMP... BUMP... Walking faster, he looks back and through the fog he makes out the image of an upright casket banging its way down the middle of the street toward him. BUMP... BUMP...

The Secret To A Happy Married Life "You all know our faithful parishioner Bill," announced the priest after the service, motioning the old man and the woman beside him to stand up in church. "But, you may not know that Bill and his lovely wife Anna, are celebrating their 60th wedding...

Late Night Jokes "Today is Bill Clinton's birthday. Hillary sent Bill an e-birthday card and out of habit she immediately deleted it." –Conan O'Brien "Today, Hillary Clinton released an ad that emphasized her humble economic background. In the ad she says, 'Just 15 years ago, my family and I...

I love a good one liner 1. I recently got crushed by a pile of books, but I suppose I've only got my shelf to blame. 2. A man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation for a local swimming pool. So I gave him a glass of water. 3. I went to a really emotional wedding the other day...

Witticisms? If you're not familiar with the work of Steven Wright, he's the famous "scientist" who once said: "I woke up one morning, and all of my stuff had been stolen and replaced by exact duplicates." His mind sees things differently than most of us do and it's to our amusement. Here are...

A guy sits down at the bar, sighs very sadly, and orders drink after drink rapidly. “Is everything OK, pal?” the bartender asks. “My wife and I got into a fight and she said she wasn’t talking to me for a month!” Trying to put a positive spin on things, the bartender says, “Well, maybe that’s...

This is a bit dated but worth seeing again. The woman in the video had no problem responding to a Muslim woman's grandstanding, and she handled it in a split second. Would Obama ever do the same? http://www.mrctv.org/embed/127748

OK guys, my bad, time for a new joke... Anybody? :)

Or, It Could Go Like This: One day, this OTHER guy is sitting in this bar taking his merry time. All of a sudden he's startled by three men with democrat badges giving cheers, saying, "Two and a half, two and a half!!" He just ignores them and continues to drink. About 5 minutes later, the men...

"Lexophile" This is a word used to describe those that have a love for words, such as "you can tune a piano, but you can't tuna fish", or "to write with a broken pencil is pointless." A competition to see who can come up with the best lexophiles is held every year in an undisclosed location...

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Wrt Obama's Legacy http://www.marketwatch.com/story/the-typical-household-makes-less-than-it-did-before-the-recession-2015-09-16 :(

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https://www.youtube.com/embed/YNAXlv2gxaI?feature=player_embedded :):):)

Dr. Geezer's Clinic An old geezer became very bored in retirement and decided to open a medical clinic. He put a sign up outside that said: "Dr. Geezer's clinic. Get your treatment for $500, if not cured, get back $1,000." Doctor "Young," who was positive that this old geezer didn't know beans...

Met him a few years ago and almost went to work for him. A very knowledgeable man, humble and kind, very helpful to all traders. May God rest his soul...

Why the LA Times Stopped Carrying Cartoonist Diaz :):):)

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