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My wife cheated on me, but then I got back with her and we went to the park, had a picnic and started giggling and kissing. Then she got struck by lightning. I just love happy endings.

Frankly, our country is about where I'd expect when you try to please everybody. Be everything to everybody, everyone's included, everybody gets a do-over, everyone is special, no one is a loser, everyone gets a trophy and on top if it all, nobody cares. Oh yea, it looks like we care, the news...

After way too much to drink last night, I woke up this morning feeling like shit and lying next to the ugliest woman I'd ever seen. I quickly got dressed and was creeping towards the stairs when a little girl appeared: "Daddy, if you're going out to get the Sunday paper, can I go with you...

Reverse psychology be not psychology reverse should or ,me just it is.

lmao, remember snl? <iframe width="425" height="349" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/WH_b9XwloHE" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

We awarded Grandad first prize at our family costume party for his impression of Elvis. It was only after 40 minutes of him sitting slumped on the toilet that anyone thought of calling the paramedics.

More money for the gay cowboy poem festival. "Had that program not been around, the tens of thousands of people who come there every year would not exist.” Booyah!!!!!!! Harry Harry Harry. Roses are red, Violets are blue, I'm no good at poems.. Nice tits! On that Heifer...

This is kinship foster care and judges often prefer this route as opposed to other state run options. "$1500 per child per month in Illinois." works out to about 2$ an hour. It wouldn't surprise me if it costs the state to run a group home in excess of 75$ an hour. Although the entire...

Even though production has increased and there is an ability to provide more resources to people it does not seem to solve the problem. There are many reasons for this. Poor distribution, squandering wealth on non essentials but the main thing in my opinion and the thing that eliminates any...

You know how these newspapers sometimes have a help column, usually they use the term "advocate" I was thinking along the same line except we'll call it "Sucks to be you." For example, this guy applies to Bofa for a loan, the three credit agencies all return credit reports to the bank listing...

Just had a massive argument with the wife and she called me a 'pedantic prick' Well if she'd just got me the black woolly socks like I wanted instead of the woolly black ones...

If Obama gets elected based on the history of Reagan and Roosevelt, the African American voters are going to find they have a voted another cracker to the white house.

The guy created his own problems, Numero uno, he bounced checks. The biggie though is direct deposit. Don't do it. He should have driven his fine ass car to the IRS office and picked the check up in person.

Humpy your joke reminds me of something I read yesterday. State layoffs are coming to the museum, the museum will be closed on Sundays, the second busiest day of the week. Then this reminded me of something else about museums. I went ot Madame Tussauds wax museum and noticed the figures of...

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Good point, most likely lost on the audience of young liberals.

I read this one book on the juvenile justice system. In some cases, law abiding responsible parent or parents would plead with the judge (after their child was arrested and to appear in court) to find a program for their kid to get help. There are few to zero programs. There is little a judge...

Where to start? Piece of cake. Buy a stock, any stock, any price, any time of day. If it goes down, write down all the reasons it went down. If it goes up, write down all the reasons it went up. Do this every day, after several years you will have a very large stack of papers with...

JPM, that FDIC-insured depositor bank, has requested 1.5 million barrels at a price of $105.33 for a total of $158 million from the Strategic Petroleum Reserve ... Pretty funny...If you open an account they'll give you a pint of lubricating oil. ..:cool: either that or get a fill up at a JP...

Situations like these. #1 - "You can't do that here.!!"" Her reply, "No one said I couldn't". #2 - "You can't do that here" "Well, what do you want me to do?, I need to wash up".