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A couple has a dog that snores. Annoyed because she can't sleep, the wife goes to the vet to see if he can help. The vet tells the woman to tie a ribbon around the dog's testicles, and he will stop snoring."Yeah right!" she says. A few minutes after going to bed, the dog begins snoring, as...

Amen to that. :D

My seven-year-old son asked me why I didn't have a boyfriend. I was recovering from surgery and spent most of the day in bed. I told him the TV was my boyfriend and he entertained me all the time. The TV set was old and would just shut itself off for no reason. I'd give it a few hard...

I once knew a women we all knew as The Rooster. As in, Cock-a-doodle-do, any cock'll do

Like DeNiro said in "A Bronx Tale" : "Son, sometimes you need to let the big head do the thinking instead of the little head."

Rosie, you need a shave, hon. Or something. http://www.uncorrelated.com/Rosie.jpg

http://beecy.net/frank/

An Amish farmer was walking through his field, & noticed a man drinking from his pond, with his hand. The Amish man shouted: "Trink das wasser nicht. Die kuhen haben dahin gesheissen." Which means: "Don't drink the water, the cows have shit in it." The man shouted back: "I'm a...

Students were assigned to read 2 books, 'Titanic' and 'My Life' by Bill Clinton. One student turned in the following book report, With the proposition that they were nearly identical stories! His cool professor gave him an A+ for this report. Titanic:..... Cost - $29.99 Clinton:..... Cost -...

That, or an ass with 2 pimples

Someone on glumbert posted the list of ladies, sans one: Pickford Gis Swanson Dietrich Shearer Harlow Hepburn Lombard Davis Garbo Stanwyck Leigh Garson Lamarr Hayworth Jones Kerr Bergman Crawford Rogers Young Garland Baxter Bacall Hayward Gardner Monroe Kelly...

Women never want to date me. I wonder if it's the glasses?

How about Linux Air: You arrive at the terminal and spread out before you on the tarmac are the pieces of your airplane, a Boeing 737KV - Kit Version. Before boarding you and the other passengers must assemble the plane from the parts given, but the instruction booklet, available online, is...

Why men should never write advice columns: Dear Walter: I hope you can help me. The other day I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't gone more than a mile down the road when my engine conked out and the car shuddered to a halt. I walked back...

Funny dialog from Easy Money: Mother-in-law: "Look at you, you reek of cheap cigars, your eyes are bloodshot and you can barely stand erect." Rodney: "Yeah, nice to see you, too" ----------- Taking pics of the fat kid on the riding toy: Parents: "Have you ever seen a face like...

A couple of aircraft jokes: The pilot was sitting in his seat and pulled out a .38 revolver. He placed it on top of the instrument panel, and then asked the navigator, "Do you know what I use this for?" The navigator replied timidly, "No, what's it for?" The pilot responded, "I...

Lou: "Jason, c'mere . . . You were kinda hard on your dad last night. . . . I'm tough, but I'm fair. My two kids . .. one I put troo college and the other I put troo a wall. Your papa loves you, eh? Be nice to him." I love Burt Young. Lou: You got a problem? Footballer: No, I ain't got...

Back to School it was. Sam Kinison: "SAY IT !! SAY IT!! Arrrggghhh!"

What the hell happened at 3:30ET ? I step out to brew a pot of coffee and 20 minutes later the ES is down 20 big ones.

Yeah that's a good spot. Also the "Things you can do with one finger . . . tell your broker where to go" commercials. It's a shame their advertising budget may be seriously castrated soon. :p