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It's like these cocksuckers at drive-up ATMs. They wait till they punch in their PINs before endorsing checks, filling out dep slips - all stuff they should do at fucking HOME. Then they have 2-3 cars behind them and as a courtesy do they complete their transaction and drive forward a few...

Have you ever sat on a plane, next to an irritating co- traveler who keeps talking to you and snooping at everything you read? Next time, just follow these simple instructions: And get ready to enjoy your well-deserved privacy. 1. Quietly and calmly open up your laptop case. 2...

A woman hired a contractor to repaint the interior of her house. The woman walked the man through the second floor of her home and told him what colors she wanted for each room. As they walked through the first room, the woman said, "I think I would like this room in a cream color." The...

Why men *really* need Viagra, Cialis and Levitra: http://www.ahajokes.com/crt863.html

True Story from Houston Medical Center: A man went to the hospital to have his wedding ring cut off from his penis. Yes, his penis. According to the attending nurse, the patient's girlfriend found the ring in his pants pocket and she got so mad at him, she used petroleum jelly to slip...

A Nun and a Priest were crossing the Sahara desert on a camel. On the Third day out, the camel suddenly dropped dead without warning. After dusting themselves off, the Nun and the Priest surveyed their Situation. After a long period of silence, the Priest spoke. 'Well, Sister, this looks...

Jack 'n Jill went up the hill to have a little fun But stupid Jill forgot the pill and now they have a son

Murphy's Other Fifteen Laws > > 1. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear > bright until you hear them speak. > > 2. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well. > > 3. He, who laughs last, thinks slowest. > > 4. A day without...

LOL now that's funny!

I thought it was to prevent the oversized bath towels from sliding off when you hang 'em up to dry. At least that's what I use it for. :D

This is fuckin' great. You *must* use headphones (or earbuds, I used them and it was excellent). It's not loud or obnoxious. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IUDTlvagjJA

I'll wager he felt deflated after the race . . .

An attorney arrived home late, after a very tough day trying to get a stay of execution for a client who was due to be hanged for murder at midnight. His last minute plea for clemency to the governor had failed; he was feeling worn out and depressed. As soon as he walked through the...

A group of Kentucky second, third, and fourth graders, accompanied by two female teachers, went on a field trip to Churchill Downs, the famous Louisville race track, to see and learn about thoroughbred horses. When it was time to take the children to the bathroom, it was decided that...

Sounds like a typical August day during our monsoon in Phoenix

Back up, but no futures of any kind

What Religion is Your Bra? A man walked into the ladies department of a Macy 's and shyly walked up to the woman behind the counter and said, "I'd like to buy a bra for my wife." "What type of bra?" asked the clerk. "Type?" inquires the man. "There's more than one type?" "Look...

Frank: "I lost my job yesterday at the deli because they caught me with my cock in the pickle slicer." Tom: "Oh man, that sounds painful! What happened?" Frank: "They fired the pickle slicer, too.

Twas the Night Before Christmas - Senior's Edition Twas the night before Christmas at Rock-Away Rest, And all of us seniors were looking our best. Our glasses, how sparkly, our wrinkles, how merry; Our punch bowl held prune juice plus three drops of sherry. A bed sock...

One beautiful December evening Huan Cho and his girlfriend Jung Lee were sitting by the side of the ocean. It was a romantic full moon, when Huan Cho said "Hey baby, how about playing Weeweechu." "Oh no, not now, lets look at the moon" said Jung Lee. "Oh, c'mon baby, let's you...