Sucks man.
But thanks for sharing your story. That takes some courage. I think you've been thinking what a lot of us have wondered about at some point or another. We've been brainwashed with this glamorous lifestyle of a trader, but thats just not how it is. The dream does really appear to be...
I think going to the casino and dropping a few grand on black at the roulette table just because you "feel it" is gambling, but trading after doing some research and work and have some idea of how it might go? That's not gambling, at least not blindly.