Recent content by astroid60

VENI, VEDI, VISA: I came, I saw, I did a little shopping.

TOP 10 REASONS WHY CYBER SEX IS BETTER 10. If the date goes bad, changing your Screen Name is easier then changing your real name. 9. Bathing, dressing, supplying atmosphere is optional. 8. If you get drunk and blackout, you only wake up next to a keyboard. 7. You can exercise your...

The drunk was floundering down the alley carrying a box with holes on the side. He bumped into a friend who asked, "What do you have in there, pal?" "A mongoose." "What for?" "Well, you know how drunk I can get. When I get drunk I see snakes, and I'm scared to death of snakes. That's why I...

Experienced stockbroker and not so experienced stockbroker are walking down the road. They come across some shit lying on the asphalt. Experienced stockbroker: "If you eat it I'll give you $20,000!" Not so experienced stockbroker runs his optimization problem and figures out he's better off...

A man went to the doctor because he had a problem with his penis dripping after had urinated. The doctor said, "No problem, we can fix that for you. It is really a simple procedure. We just graft a piece of skin from your nose onto your penis and it will take care of the problem." After the...

The farmer had got out a mortgage, and gladly, to give it to his daughter for her college education. Now, driving home from the station after meeting her at the train, farmer was greatly disturbed when his daughter whispered confidentially, “I have a confession to make...

“It`s impossible” said pride.”It`s risky” said experience.”It`s pointless” said reason.”Give it a try” whispered the heart. “WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?” shouted the anus two minutes later?

Who was the first accountant? Adam. He got interested in figures, turned the first leaf, made the first entry, lost interest after withdrawal, buggered up the monthly accounts and raised the first liability.

What's a shy and retiring accountant? An accountant who is half a million shy and that's why he's retiring.

I got some bad news yesterday. My Thai girlfriend has testicular cancer!

"And what will the lovely lady be having?" asked the waiter while my wife was in the toilet. "I don't know" I replied "Probably a shit".

I had a dream last night that I was sent to hell... After only a day in the stinking hot torturous shit hole I begged Lucifer to release me. He said to me that the only way I could ever leave was to have 24 hours of sex with the most gruesome looking woman he could find. Desperate to leave I...

There was once a wife so jealous that when her husband came home one night and she couldn’t find hairs on his jackets she yelled at him, “Great, so now you’re cheating on me with a bald woman!” The next night, when she didn’t smell any perfume, she yelled again by saying, “She’s...

“Have you anything to say before I pass sentence?” asked the Judge. “Fuck all,” said the defendant. “I’m sorry, I didn’t hear that,” replied the Judge and turning to the clerk of the court, he asked him what the man had said. “He said 'Fuck all'”, responded the court...